Monday, January 26, 2009

Remember that you're perfect,

Remember that you're perfect, God makes no mistakes - Welcome to Wherever You Are by Bon Jovi

As I was looking through adoption blogs this morning I stumbled across one that is written by a girl who has Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)* and writes a blog about adjusting to her adoptive family and her attempt to be a regular kid. She has one of those music players (I usually find them very annoying) but it was playing Bon Jovi and I could handle that so I left it on and sometimes listening to a song at just the right time makes all the difference.

Welcome to Wherever You Are sort of sums up the last 6 months of my life, well not just mine but ours as a family. Becoming a parent has been a struggle, a struggle that I can't even begin to explain on many levels. However the biggest challenge has been trying to teach Fudge and Calvin that this is the last stop on the train, that no matter what we are the forever family that everyone promised them for so long. That in itself creates issues for the kids and then when you add in the first 7 years of their lives it is no wonder that we are all struggling. But it is a good struggle and every now and then I step back and look at how things are going and gives me hope that we are all going to make it through.

It's hard though, these aren't regular kids and being their parent isn't the same as being the parent of kids who you have raised from birth ( adopted or bio) because so many adults have messed up with these ones. The boys have learned to care only about themselves ( and occasionally one another) because caring about other people means that you are going to be hurt when they leave you or make you leave. And the struggle to teach them to care extends beyond just family but to friends, schoolmates, pets and even possessions. And often what works one day to deal with rage, an argument or tantrum will not work the next - gotta be creative and consistent at all times.

All that being said it is where we are right now and in week we will be a different place and 6 months from now it will be different again. It's a good challenge.

* my kids don't have RAD but I found reading J.'s blogs fascinating, a bit like climbing inside Calvin's head some days and hearing it from his perspective.

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